dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
