was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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