So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just gargled with NyQuil
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
