just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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