im drinking this country out of the recession.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
