ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
