my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
