he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
