Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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