it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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