I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
