I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Sober January is a disaster.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
