Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
