can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
sarcasm needs its own font
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
