I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
