Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Randomize
