Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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