Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
