pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
