It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
tell me about the eggs
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
