he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
