I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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