First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
