Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
