I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
