went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
