The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just threw up on my dentist
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
