Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
