the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
