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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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