I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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