It's like God shit irony all over that family
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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