woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
