I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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