I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
