OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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