I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
