My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
