she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
