dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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