wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
