I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
