Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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