I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
