Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Randomize
