So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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