no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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