Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
