so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
