I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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