she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
