In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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