Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
