I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
