UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
