i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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